Listening is the foundation for successful communication in any of our relationships – work, personal, business, or professional. It can be a very powerful tool, especially for someone who is in a leadership or a management position. Most of us however take listening for granted, assuming it comes naturally to us. We all like to think of ourselves as good listeners. But are we really listening? Or Are we just eager to respond and disagree?
Why is listening so important in a conversation?
Listening is one skill we rarely think or view as something that requires training and practice. But if we don’t listen effectively, messages can be easily misunderstood leading to frustrations and rifts in relationships. It can be very easy to get distracted when interacting with others, be it in a team, personal or work related situations.
Our ability to listen makes a big difference when interacting within a team or in workplaces. When conversations happen in two monologues, neither is actually interested in understanding each other, and both are just interested in simply being heard.
And at times, if a person is talking to us, it’s all too easy to get self-consumed with our own thinking, or by what we want to say next. This can become particularly damaging in workplace communications, where it can lead to errors in communicating organisational goals and objectives.
Hearing is not same as Listening
We have a tendency to assume that as long as we hear someone’s words, we are listening. However, Hearing and listening are very different things. Hearing is passive and refers to the sounds that we hear and requires no effort. Whereas listening is a deliberate process that requires our attention and focus.
Listening involves considering the meaning of what we are hearing, and how the words are being spoken whilst the use of voice, language and other non verbal cues. Also, hearing alone is not enough for an effective communication. Among other things, we need to comprehend what and why something’s being said. When we truly listen, we create a space in which the other person feels valued and understood.
People who are good listeners are always self-aware and they are quick to listen and slow to speak. To listen entirely means to pay close attention to what is being said beneath a person’s words, to hear the person’s feelings, attitudes, and unspoken assumptions. This means setting aside your own agenda, being present in the moment, and resisting the urge to interrupt or offer unsolicited advice.
What is blocking you from effective listening
Listening is a learning process where we learn a great deal from listening to other people carefully. However, It can be quite challenging, especially when we’re dealing with someone who is emotional or difficult. When we listen to others with an intent to respond, we only look out for when the next gap in the conversation will be so that we can speak.
There are however many factors that can interfere with listening. Since listening is a complex process with various stages, understanding these stages can make us aware of the potential difficulties that can arise in our listening skills.
- Receiving: This is the first stage of listening where we intentionally focus on hearing the speaker’s message. External noise can interfere with our ability to receive the message clearly at this stage. So, it’s important to filter out distractions and create a conducive environment for listening.
- Understanding: In this stage, we strive to grasp the meaning of the message being communicated. However, our personal prejudices and our own interpretations and assumptions to the words we hear lead to misunderstandings. To be an effective listener, we should recognise our own biases and be open to understanding the speaker’s perspective.
- Interpreting: This stage involves making sense of the information we’ve received. Sometimes, complex or abstract ideas can be challenging to relate to our own experiences, making interpretation difficult. Actively paying attention, processing the information, and connecting it with our own knowledge can facilitate the interpretation process.
- Recalling: Even when we listen attentively, certain details may be difficult to remember. Our memory has natural limitations, and distractions can interfere with our ability to concentrate fully. Being aware of these challenges can help us take steps to improve our recall during conversations.
- Evaluating: During this stage, we engage in critical thinking and evaluation of what we’ve heard. We may find ourselves thinking, “Does this make sense?” or “This seems odd.” To be effective listeners, we should focus on understanding the speaker’s intended meaning rather than assuming or making snap judgments.
- Responding: This final stage involves providing feedback or responding to the speaker. It can take the form of nonverbal cues that indicate understanding or confusion. Additionally, paraphrasing and asking clarifying questions can help ensure that we have correctly understood the message.
In addition to the stages of listening, there are various barriers that can hinder our ability to effectively listen. Here are some of these barriers:
Environmental Barriers
Environmental noises and distractions can significantly impact our ability to listen. Loud background noises, interruptions, or a lack of privacy can make it difficult to concentrate and understand the speaker. Seating arrangements and visibility of the speaker can also play a role in our listening experience.
Physiological Barriers:
Our physical well-being can affect our listening abilities. Physical illnesses, bodily stress, fatigue, or anxiety can create distractions and make it challenging to focus on what is being said. It’s important to prioritise self-care and manage these physiological barriers to enhance our listening skills.
Psychological Barriers:
Our psychological states and moods can influence our ability to listen effectively. Positive or negative emotions, such as anger, sadness, or excitement, can impact our attention and receptiveness to information. It’s essential to be aware of our psychological state and manage our emotions to ensure we are fully present and engaged in the conversation.
Cognitive Barriers:
Our thoughts can process information at a faster pace than the speed at which someone is speaking. This difference in speech rate and thought rate can lead to distractions and side-processing of thoughts, causing us to miss important parts of the message. Lack of listening preparation, response rehearsal, and personal prejudices can further contribute to cognitive barriers.
Lack of listening preparation
When we enter a conversation without proper preparation, we may find it difficult to focus and fully comprehend the message being communicated. Lack of basic understanding of the topic or subject being discussed can lead to confusion, misinterpretation, and difficulty in understanding the context.
When we are not mentally prepared to listen, we can easily get distracted by external factors or our own internal thoughts. Without this mental readiness, our attention may wander, and we may miss important details or cues from the speaker.
To overcome this barrier, take time to prepare yourself to :-
- Gather information or do some research on the topic before the conversation. This will help you have a better understanding and context for the discussion.
- Clear your mind and let go of any distractions or preoccupations before entering the conversation.
- Determine your goals and intentions for the conversation. Are you seeking to understand, support, or gain knowledge? Setting clear intentions will help you stay focused and engaged.
- Approach the conversation with an open mind and a willingness to listen to different perspectives.
Response Rehearsal
This refers to our tendency to mentally rehearse or plan our response while the other person is still speaking. Instead of fully engaging and understanding what the person is saying, we shift our attention to crafting our own response. When our focus is on preparing our response, we may miss important details, nuances, and underlying emotions expressed in a communication.
To overcome this barrier, be present in the moment. Since we can easily get distracted by our own thoughts on what we are going to say or do next, you must train your attention to stay in the moment, stay with the conversation, and listen deliberately. Instead of preparing your response, make an effort to understand the underlying meaning, emotions, and intentions behind their words.
Personal Prejudices:-
Being judgmental
This can indeed act as a major barrier to effective listening. When we make judgments during a conversation, we stop truly listening to what the other person is saying because we have already formed assumptions and stereotypes. Our frame of reference, which includes our beliefs, values, and experiences, can heavily influence our judgments.
To become a non-judgmental listener, it is essential to practice overcoming your frame of reference. Suspend judgment and resist the urge to jump to conclusions or form opinions prematurely. This involves being aware of your own biases and consciously setting them aside during a conversation. Actively challenge your assumptions and stereotypes, and be open to different perspectives and ideas.
Cognitive bias
Some of our default ways of perceiving others and processing information makes us rigid in our thinking. When you engage in prejudiced listening, i.e., considering your own view point to be the only correct one, you remain closed to the views of others. This often takes the form of focusing on your own opinions, as opposed to listing to what the other is trying to express.
To overcome this barrier, engage yourself in more open and unbiased listening. Be aware of your own biases and actively challenge them. Consciously seek out diverse perspectives, be intentional in exposing yourselves to viewpoints that differ from your own, and be open to the possibility of changing your opinions based on new information.
Problem-solving and fact-finding
Jumping in too quickly to offer advice or searching for specific details can hinder your ability to fully understand the situation and comprehend. By focusing solely on finding a solution or gathering facts, you may miss out on crucial information and fail to address the underlying emotions and needs of the person speaking. This can leave them feeling unheard and unacknowledged.
To overcome this barrier, it is essential to prioritise active listening over problem-solving. Instead of immediately jumping to provide advice or searching for facts, take the time to fully listen and understand the person’s perspective. Pay attention to not just to the words they are saying, but also to their emotions, tone of voice, and nonverbal cues.
This not only helps in building a deeper understanding of the situation but also strengthens the trust and rapport in your relationship. Remember, effective communication is not just about finding a solution or gathering information, but also about genuinely hearing and understanding the other person’s point of view.
Self-reflection questions to work on your listening skills:
What do you value most in a conversation—speaking or listening?
Do you consider yourself a good listener?
Does people in your close relationships perceive you as a good listener?
What typically makes your mind wander?
When was the last time, your ability to listen was impaired by one of the above factors ?
What can you do to help prevent or lessen this barrier?
To conclude,
Although most of us think listening skills just develop overtime, competent listening is difficult. This is the reason why we don’t try to enhance our listening skills as much as we do with our speaking skills. However, listening competence is one of the most sought after skill to build better relationships.
Being mindful of these barriers can help you to overcome them and become better listeners. Creating a conducive listening environment, taking care of your physical and mental well-being, and consciously managing your thoughts can significantly improve your listening skills and foster effective communication.
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