Be stronger than your fears

“Whatever you fear most has no power; it is your fear that has the power.”

Fear is just a loop of thoughts that you are feeding with new energy. Fear is generated mostly because of a distorted way of understanding of ourselves and the world around us. We end up creating more and more if we continue to focus our energy on them. They do not go away by just reassuring ourselves or by changing roles that deceive no one else but us.

Fears begin as feelings, beliefs based on past experiences or as expectations. Over a period of time, when there is no more space to hold these fearful thoughts in your mind, they all manifest in your body as physical tension or as certain health issues.

Fears limit your experiences. You may not fully commit to your efforts and they hold you back from achieving your full potential. To understand better let us look at some of the fears that limit your ability to accomplish your goals.

*Fear of inadequacy or not being good enough attributes to lower self confidence.

*Fear of other people lowers your ability to express yourself.

*Fear of losing or disappointments or being out of control may stop you from trying new.

*Fear of being out of control makes you avoid those ones which you have no control.

And the list goes on.

It is healthy when fear of loss helps us take steps to protect what we have worked hard for, but it is unhealthy to continue to fear something we can do nothing about.

“Everything you want is on the other side of fear.”Jack Canfield.

Not all of our fears are specific and can be defined. They can appear as nervousness, hesitation, self doubt,or reluctance. Many of them turn into phobias. They keep multiplying unless a conscious effort is made to move past them.

Develop an understanding attitude.

Understanding the fears helps us to manage them better. The deeper your understanding, the greater it starts to dissolve the fear. Many of our fears are because of our attachment to possessions or people around us or success. For instance, When we understand that possessions are not the source of our joy or well-being, we don’t fear losing them. You don’t fear loss of money or success when you understand how money is created and you can always create more. Try to understand reasons that are holding you back. Most of the times they are made- up beliefs that are commonly associated with future events or based on past actions. Awareness reduces fear.

Accept what is.

“Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.”

Jim Morrison

If you deny your fears, they remain and sabotage your dreams. When you accept what is and continue, you get to know them and this in a way weakens that which is holding you back. You cannot control your fears. By accepting and facing your fears, you will realise that whatever you feared most of the times wasn’t really that scary.

Use fear as a fuel to motivate you.

“What we resist will indeed persist. What we befriend, will transcend.”

Don’t treat fear like an enemy. Treat it like your best friend who can help you. Try and replace your fears with love and power. Don’t let fear take over as this leads to self sabotage. Bring in the power within to overcome that is holding you back. Fear need not be an adversary. Make it as your guide and adviser. Fearlessness can be a powerful weapon against self doubt and low self confidence.

Use action habit to cure fear.

By taking decisive action or doing what you fear makes the fear disappear. Fear makes you psychologically uncomfortable just as pain does physically.

It is very essential to know when and where you should let fear guide you to take care and when you should choose not take risks. You can push through psychological fears such as fear of other people, shame, embarrassment, or rejection and so on as they are subjective and there is no risk of physical danger. But in case of physical fears, where there is a risk of physical injury, it is better to take precautions and not to take foolish risks.

Do not feed your fears.

“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”

Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Fears feed on our insecurities, feelings of loss, inadequacy and attachments. Don’t feed much energy to the negative thoughts that come and go. It is easy to do if you simply refuse to recall your negative and self depreciating thoughts. The unpleasant thoughts and fears will gradually disappear as you develop competence.

Don’t let fears capitalise on your opportunities. Accept and get past them. Take action by directing your thoughts towards your goals, passion, joy, and abundance.

Conscious parenting

Fulfill the function of being parent without it becoming a role

As parents we all want to raise our children as happy and successful individuals. We try to fulfill our function as parents by doing all the right things and the best we can for our children. The role playing of parent makes you believe that by doing more and more you make yourself complete. But even doing the best we can is not enough if we neglect Being. If parents honor only the role they are playing but neglect being, they fail at making an authentic relationship with children.

You become successful at parenting when you genuinely recognise your child from the realms of Being and not by merely role playing.

The five things you need to stop doing in order to practice conscious parenting.

stop conversing only in the form of doing or evaluating.

Most of our coneversations with our children on a daily basis are mostly to do with doing or evaluating. These are necessary in day to day activities, but that’s all there in your communication with your child, then you may be missing a vital point in your relationship as parent with your child. When you have conversations, try to be completely present in the moment. looking, touching, listening and helping them with their work will create a healthy environment where they can also share their experiences and opinions. Cultivate connection such as being loved, understood, and wanted.

Stop fault finding.

Constant cmplaining and fault finding only creates negativity and a sense of separation between parents and children. This in a way affects the confidence of the child. Finding faults with them will only makes them feel wrong and you to be right. We cannot expect them to learn everything overnight. Children always long for recognition, not on the level of performance but on the level of being. So it is important to leave your habit if complaining and bragging.

Stop being supeṛior.

Many adults play roles as parents instead of being. Many times they talk down to the child and don’t treat them as equals. Because of this role playing, parents come in the grip of ego, which makes them believe that they know more. The fact that parents know more or that they are bigger makes the children feel that they are not equal. In a way parents try to establish a fact that I know what is best for you or what I know is right for you. This will only make them feel inferior. Stop being superior and give them freedom to make their own choices and decisions.

Stop Controlling.

Parents define their role as parents by constantly controlling and telling them what to do. They cannot let go of this habit even when the child grows into an adult. They are afraid of losing their identity and in their desire to control or influence the actions of their child, they will start to criticise or show their disapproval. In an attempt to preserve their role they make the children feel guilty and not worthy of. Train yourself to reduce your expectations on how their life should be. For your child to be successful, they must feel valued. Value their choices and help them in taking their decisions.

Stop overprotecting.

Over a period of time, looking after their needs and preventing them to getting in danger becomes overemphasized and takes you over. Excessive need to provide what they want turns into spoiling. It may be tempting to grant their every wish, but this will drive them to have unrealistic expectations. They need to explore things on their own in order to develop resilience. They will make mistakes, but they will turn into their experiences. Give them space to be.

Mistakes are proof that you are trying…

“Success does not consist in never making mistakes but in never making the same one a second time”. – George Barnard Shaw

Everyone wants to live the life of their dreams. When you start to live the life of your dreams, there are going to be obstacles, mistakes, and setbacks along the way. Often a trivial mistake we commit can make us feel dejected. Each of us have our own flaws. We must not allow them to overwhelm us and discourage us in the pursuit of our dreams.

Mistakes are sometimes committed unintentionally or being ignorant or by lack of understanding. You will be a better person if you try and learn from them and not to allow them to happen again.

We sometimes have to change ourselves for better in order not to get stuck in the loop of committing the same mistakes.

Here are some simple guideposts to help you turn your mistakes into learning opportunities.

Admit your mistakes.

If you go wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. Take responsibility for your actions. Do not be afraid of admitting your mistakes. Have the courage to be your own critic. Seek your faults and correct them. This is one habit which distinguishes a winner from a loser.

Get out of error groove.

“By dwelling too much upon your mistakes you can keep yourself in an error groove”. Clinging to your thinking about your mistakes can condition you to make the same mistakes again. Come out of the error groove. Don’t let your mistakes in the past ruin your present.

Learn from your mistakes.

Research each mistake. Try and work out what you did wrong and devise new strategies to equip yourselves to do better in the future. learn that there is a good side to every mistake. Train your mind to learn from your successes.

Feel free to innovate.

“Don’t let the fear of committing mistakes keep you from trying new things”.

Every time you innovate, you are going to run the risk of making a mistake. It is okay if you go wrong when you are trying something new. You need not get it right in the first attempt. Learn and then go on to get it right next time.

Turn On the Problem-solving mode.

Learn to respond to your mistakes by thinking how not to let them happen again. This will take you to a problem-solving mode. This way, you can arrive at a solution in correcting the mistakes and not get discouraged. But if you ignore the mistakes, then that type of thinking will keep you away from learning and advancing towards your goals.

Have right focus.

Everyday we do certain things frequently. This gets us into a habitual mode of doing tasks. We don’t focus on them completely and our minds wander because of the habitual nature. This is when mistakes happen. The key here is to have right focus and pay attention towards your goals.

Remember to persist with your goals and dreams. See the good side and never allow yourself to get discouraged. Give yourself countless opportunities to learn and grow from your mistakes.

Good, better, best

Many times it so happens that we forget the “ better” in our quest for the “ best”.

If we implement “ better”, in nine out of ten cases it would lead us to “ still better”.

Every time waiting for “best” would hinder your progress.

Always start with GOOD and then implement it.

Try to improve it to do BETTER and still BETTER.

Make it an on-going process for doing the BEST.

Mental house cleaning

Adopting simple mindfulness practices will boost your chances of reducing stress and anxiety.

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“Elevate yourself through the power of your mind, and not degrade yourself, for the mind can be both friend and enemy of self.”

We all are victims of information overload with the constant flow of information and access of new technology everyday in our lives. We get used to filling our minds and homes with unnecessary stuff. Everything around us seems important and this mental overload makes our lives complicated. Too many choices confuse our decision making capabilities and this leads to indecision, dissatisfaction, and to an imbalanced mind.

An imbalanced mind unleashes its uncontrolled thoughts all around and creates confusion and chaos. These thoughts are the opinions, beliefs, and interpretations that pass through your mind and hold your conscious attention. These untamed thoughts interfere with your focus, happiness and peace of mind. They further manifest as moods, emotions, and impulses and you get trapped into anxious, negative and unproductive thinking.

This mental overwhelm often creates lot of sṭress, anxiety and depression. These thought patterns if unnoticed operate like hypnotic suggestions and influence your behaviour. Our minds which are overfed with new information makes our thoughts buzz around like swarm of bees and we lose our inner stability.

The only way to clean your mind from these patterns is to discover inner peace by practicing mindfulness regularly. When we begin to meditate, we think we must suppress all the negative thoughts and feelings. Many of us feel the need to quiet our minds because we are afraid of negative, unpleasant impulses. The more we try to calm ourselves, the more restless we become. Freedom from such comes when we realise following:

1. Thoughts have no intrinsic value and they keep changing.

2. We cannot control our thoughts, either we can distract or direct our attention elsewhere.

3.Since we cannot control or stop them, we are not responsible for our thoughts, no matter positive or negative.

Meditation consists of two simultaneous processes.

INSIGHT:

Thoughts are like bubbles and they eventually rise to surface. Noticing everything that arises in our awareness by simply paying attention to whatever arising without any judgment and expectation. Let your thoughts be as they are, positive or negative, make peace with your mind.

SURRENDER:

Letting go rather than clinging to what arises in your awareness. Being attached and clinging too tightly to your thoughts will only lead to suffering. By letting go, we become seekers of positive thoughts and inner silence.

This is easier said than done. In everyday life, we rarely pay attention to our thoughts. A little practice at any point in your day, can go far when it comes to taming your thoughts. The beauty of meditation is that you can do it any time, with your eyes wide open, using whatever task is at hand as your meditative object. All are forms of meditation.
Make meditation as an essential part of your daily routine like physical exercise. Continuous practice lets you reclaim your focus on your priorities and thus helps you declutter your mind.

Working Together Works

“ There is no limit to what a man can do, as long as he doesn’t mind who takes the credit.”

Working together works. Everyone, whether at work or in play situations need to work together. Even the horses pulling the chariot have to run at the same speed, for the chariot to move forward towards the desired destination. Working together is about equality of sacrifice to make things work.

A player in a team may be excellent in his individual performance, but he cannot become a good team player if he is not willing to sacrifice his personal acclaim for the good of the team. In your daily life, at home or at work, you might be excellent at what you do, but if you are not walking that extra mile in harmony with others or your coworkers, you are of no use.

When you help others around you feel important, you help yourself feel important too. This helps in building a positive team spirit. We all depend on others in order to achieve success. Practice being the kind of person people like.

Working together works if you think right towards people. Winning others support fuels success-building. Here’s how to build positive relationships when working together with other people.

Speak to People

Become genuinely interested in other people. There is nothing so nice as a cheerful word of greeting and a smile. Be a good listener and talk in terms of other person’s interests. This lets others know you feel kindly towards them.

Be Generous with praise

Practice appreciation with honest compliments. Let them know you appreciate what they do for you. Compliment them on little things, don’t feel that you have to praise them only for big accomplishments.

Don’t be Egotistical

Guard against the impression that you know it all. The excessive need to be “ me” will make you opinionated. Drop the need to rate others and stop imposing your standards on them. Let others talk about their views, opinions, and accomplishments.

Be Considerate

Don’t hog glory, praise others efforts too. Success depends on the support and efforts of others as well. Failing to give proper recognition will only create negativity. Recognise others contribution.

Be Friendly and Helpful

Cultivate the quality of being friendly and genuinely interested in people. You can like almost everybody if you try. Practice being the kind of person people like by taking the responsibility for your actions and admitting when you go wrong.

Don’t criticise

People don’t like to be critiqued. Don’t condemn or complain. Accept human differences. Don’t expect anyone to be perfect. Remember others have a right to be different. Find qualities to like, not things to dislike.

Think Positive towards people

Don’t blame others when things don’t go the way you want them to be. Thinking right towards people removes frustrations and stress. Give others a fine reputation to live up to. Be patient and practice liking people genuinely.

Drop the habit of overestimating your contribution to success and underestimating others contribution for the same. Claiming the credit that we don’t deserve will not only deprive people of the credit they deserve but also is going to deplete the positive team spirit.