Practice Self-appreciation

Practice self appreciation to reinforce self- confidence and to grow your self-esteem

“Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. We cannot outperform our level of self-esteem. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth.” – Iyanla Vanzant

Do you ever wonder why you are unable to accomplish your full potential. May be it is due to your inner critic who is constantly scrutinising and criticising your every action. This lowers your self-esteem and self-worth both which are essential for you to achieve your goals. Without these, your talents, skills, knowledge and intelligence can go untapped.

In today’s world, increasing competitiveness has led to a lot of achievement anxiety. Many suffer from dissatisfied selves and they often fear being left hopelessly behind. We begin to torture ourselves with thoughts about our inadequacies, starting from our appearances to the work we do to the success we achieve. This leads to people practice a habit of disesteeming. So how does one unlearn the practice of lowering their self-esteem and confidence?

Unlearning disesteeming can happen with learning to develop self-appreciation.

Importance of Self-appreciation

Self-appreciation is accepting yourself without the conditions of being perfect or attaining personal summit of any sort. This is a process of understanding your own value, and accepting what is real about yourself and what you want to do and what you want to be. By learning to appreciate yourself you receive positive reinforcements which further improves your self-esteem.

All of us nearly lose touch with our innate goodness and fail to love and appreciate ourselves. We cover it up with or come under the shadow of people’s opinions and expectations out of us. So, as a result we feel only partly deserving and begin to berate ourselves. If your mind is obsessed by thoughts of insecurity and inadequacy, it is due to the fact that such things have dominated your thinking for a long period of time. Deep within you begin to mistrust your ability to grasp opportunities and to meet responsibilities.

How deserving you are mostly depends on what you believe you deserve and only to the degree that you appreciate your inner worthiness. Success involves talent, effort and creativity, but first of all it requires self-confidence. Self-appreciation is sum of your overall sense of value, worth, goodness and deservedness and so is the measure of your confidence.

You need to learn how to start appreciating yourself and learn to give credit for strengths you possess. It is very essential to reappraise your self-esteem.

Here are some toxic thoughts you can eliminate in order to grow your self-appreciation and self-esteem.

Stop criticising yourself

If we tell ourselves that we are okay, no matter what is going on, we can make changes in our lives easily. It is when we make ourselves bad that we have great difficulty. When we get in the habit of judging ourselves, we lower our self-worth and feel not good enough. We find ways to keep ourselves miserable. We create illnesses, we procrastinate things that would benefit us. We fail to recognise our uniqueness when we get critical of ourselves and obscure it.

Your self-love must not be dependent upon you being perfect. Self-criticism might lead to more negative behaviour. Stop judging your own mistakes so harshly. Do not make the opinions of others more important than your own opinion of yourself. Tell yourself you are wonderful and praise yourself quite often.

“The things you don’t like about yourself don’t make you any less acceptable. Everyone has things they don’t like about themselves. No one is perfect. Learn to work with yourself and not against yourself. Learn to work with the parts of yourself you don’t like as much.”

Akiroq Brost

Stop being unkind to yourself

You need not hate yourself for having negative thoughts. Don’t blame yourself for negative experiences. Being kind to yourself means you stop all the blame and guilt. We all come under constant pressure of being perfectionists. Difficulties and problems tend to sap energy and we tend to yield lot of self-hate.

When you love and trust yourself, you are loving and trusting the wisdom that created you. If you are unkind to yourself, you are not trusting the wisdom that created you and you begin to develop a pessimistic view of world around you. This creates an obstacle that will inhibit your sense of self-appreciation. Begin to develop an optimistic view and appreciate your abilities. It is important to recognise that your view of things around you is based on how much you are kind to yourself and respect you have for yourself.

Stop catastrophizing

When you think that a bad situation is going to end up far worse than it actually is, you are catastrophising. In a way, you are blowing things out of proportion expecting worst out of life and out of many situations.

Scaring yourself with frightful thoughts makes situations worse than they are. Some do this when they are ill often visualising the worst. Some do this with their job. For instance, someone makes a remark at work, they think they are going to be fired. This leads to paralysing thoughts and leads to low self-esteem. Focus on your inner talk and match them with your desires and not with your fright.

When you are tensed and frightened, we shut off our energy. Take few minutes and allow the body and the mind to let go and relax. At any moment, practice taking few deep breaths. Appreciate yourself and affirm that you don’t have to go through life tense and frightened.

Stop negative self-talk

Negative self-talk refers to having negative image of yourself. Every time you say negative things to yourself you are appraising your negative self image. If you repeatedly think negative about yourself, you hold yourself back from having what you want. Very little you can do to better your situation with continued negativity.

Many negatively self-talk themselves out of success. They do this because of some difficulties or it is because they remember somebody talking down to them from their past. Every time a negative thought appears, switch it out with positive. Affirm that you deserve success and remove self-doubt and self-judgment. Unconditionally love yourself and begin with self-acceptance and self-love. Listen to your inner dialogue. Recognise negative self-talk and choose not to engage in it. Expel all thoughts of doubt and all lack of confidence.

“Relentless, repetitive self talk is what changes our self-image.” – Denis Waitley

Stop visualising negative outcomes

If you set out to do something, keep a solid picture of the completed work you are doing. You can create a clear, positive image that enhances a positive outcome. Formulate a mental picture of yourself succeeding. Never think of yourself failing. Doubting the reality of the mental image lowers your self-confidence and self-esteem.

Whenever a negative thought appears, deliberately cancel it out with a positive. Do not build obstacles in your imagination by expecting negative outcomes. Minimise your obstacles so as to eliminate them. Always picture yourself of succeeding no matter how badly things seem to be going at the moment. Mentally visualising and affirming your positives and emphasising them lets you rise out of any difficulty and leads to positive outcome.

Finally, fill your mind with peaceful and loving thoughts. Develop a loving attitude towards yourself. Feelings of self-love, self-appreciation and confidence depend upon the type of thoughts that habitually occupy your mind. Practice self-appreciation by making it a dominating habit. This develops confidence in your abilities regardless of what difficulties arise and you will be able to overcome them. Improved self-esteem disempowers your fears and insecurities.

To sum up—If you can be satisfied with yourself now, you can love and approve of yourself and begin to love and accept others as well.

Be Persistent in your efforts

Perseverance is important when it comes to being successful. Right motivation and strong willpower helps you overcome the tendency to give up.

Many of us accept what life gives us instead of going out and creating things for ourselves. Those who have the determination to achieve their goals always surge ahead to chase their frontiers of success. Success largely depends on living with right intent, virtues, purpose and direction.

Successful are not necessarily smarter or more talented than their less successful counterparts. They are only more disciplined, determined and courageous to use their will power in righteous ways in getting what they want. Many smart people fall by the wayside because they strive only when there are short bursts of motivation or either they use will power without the right purpose. Perseverance is an important trait to develop in order to become successful.

Perseverance is diligently working towards challenges and the ability to maintain the effort over long periods of time despite facing difficulties in the path. Motivation and Will Power help you persist in your endeavours.

Why Motivation is important?

When you want to achieve something or when you act out of desire to pursue a habit or a goal, you depend upon the feeling of motivation or interest. Motivation is like a welcome wind at your back that helps you to stay persistent. Motivation can vary in nature depending on the factors that influence you to pursue your goal.

Extrinsic Motivation

You tend to act on extrinsic motivation when you expect something in the form of reward or act because you will be punished. For instance, you exercise because you want to be complimented on how you look. This kind of motivation has its downsides as it only lasts as long as the external motivator is applied and you value it. Extrinsic motivators can be created in order to achieve a particular habit or a goal.

Intrinsic Motivation

You are intrinsically motivated when you do something because you find it inherently satisfying. May be you eat healthy food because you prefer the taste. This is more powerful than extrinsic, but the downside is that there is not always a way to create it. This depends on your interests, likes and passion.

Prosocial Motivation

This motivation comes from the desire to help others or support a cause you care about. This can be very powerful motivation and has both intrinsic and extrinsic motivators. For instance, you might want to work harder to create something that will benefit people.

Knowing why your goal is important and finding what motivates lets you build positive aspects that support your chosen purpose. Tapping into your motivational energies improves your ability to persevere.

Sometimes, when we plan to take up one goal or purpose like learning a new sport or losing weight, we enjoy motivating ourselves for short period, but after the initial gratification, when things get harder, when there are certain obstacles, most of us feel stuck and we are unable to push through. That is when you should rely on the will power to carry you through.

“Use motivation when you find it, but rely on willpower when you don’t.”

Motivation only works in the moment. In order to persist in non-windy days, you have to rely on your Willpower.

Here are some ways to strengthen your will power to move in the direction of your goals.

Develop tolerance

Sometimes failure and difficulties distort the perception of your goals. It also distorts the perception of your abilities. You should learn to endure the situations that seem to be against. Learn to tolerate the unfavourable situations and overcome the obstacles in order to pursue your goals. In the pursuit of your goal you might face rejection and criticism. Strengthen your willpower by being tolerant and to be independent of the opinion of others.

Be patient with yourself

“Patience is power. Patience is not an absence of action; rather it is “timing”it waits on the right time to act, for the right principles and in the right way.”

Fulton J. Sheen

Seeking a goal makes you impatient with your progress. Most of us suffer from the expectation of immediate gratification ‘I must have it now.’ We don’t have the patience to wait and get irritable if we have to. Impatience is a resistance to learning. We want the answers without doing the steps necessary. Impatience weakens your willpower to persist. If you are patient, you can nurture the seeds of will to achieve your goal.

Establish a routine

You can achieve a little bit of something if you learn to follow a simple routine which requires to little or no effort. Sometimes establishing a routine with proper rest and not putting too much pressure can make the daunting process of pursuing your goal much easier. When it is broken into small steps and repeated every single day, it becomes an automatic behaviour. Establish similar routines for every goal you want to achieve.

Develop mental toughness

You can train your willpower to help you handle difficult situations so that you can persevere without losing confidence. Mental toughness can be developed by exposing yourself to tough situations. This way you can slowly push your limits and can expand your safe zone. Continuous small improvements will ensure you won’t give up on your goal. Apply time-limited and quantity-limited discipline to make yourself mentally tough.

Focus on what is in your control

Willpower involves self-control. By controlling your habits and tendencies, you can accomplish what you will. Breakdown your goal in question to those aspects that are in control. Then go through the aspects that are not in control. You will need to determine what you can and cannot control. Your behaviour is the only thing you can control by applying your will. Focus only those things that are in your control.

Develop passion

“If you have a strong purpose in life, you don’t have to be pushed. Your passion will drive you there.”

Roy T. Bennett

Developing passion in whatever you do helps you to persevere longer. Having realistic expectations and figuring out what is that you really care about and what matters you most improves your perseverance. There is no added pressure and the interest will make you stick to the goal you are pursuing.

Stop trying too hard

Sometimes exerting too much pressure causes lapses in your willpower. Like the muscles get fatigued when they are overworked, similarly your willpower can fail you when it is overworked and undernourished. Be aware of how much effort and willpower you are exerting. You must avoid situations where your willpower will be continuously taxed without rest. Engage yourself in certain activities that you find relaxing and refreshing in order to restore your will.

Transform your negative habits

To make yourself persistent at your efforts you must liberate yourself from negative tendencies. Some psychological traits or behaviour that we pick from others tend to shape our life. They produce patterns that appear fixed and automatic. We have to exert force of our will to change our negative habits. Make use of the opportunities to transcend these negative habits to gain better control of your will.

Develop self-discipline

Shying away from risk and wallowing in self-pity puts you off from going after things you really want. Just going with the flow because it’s easier weakens your willpower and cannot persevere during tough times. Create a plan and stick to it with certain amount of discipline. Discipline yourself by being in charge of your thoughts to organise your behaviour towards a specific goal.

Practice mindfulness

If you are pessimistic and have been reinforcing negative thought patterns your whole life, you need to make an effort to break out of those and start thinking in a more positive and success oriented manner. Mindfulness can be practiced as an intentional form of meditation to restructure your negative thought patterns and to strengthen your willpower.

Finally, In any of our efforts there are bound to be difficulties, moments of doubt, anxiety, disappointment and setbacks. But we most likely overcome if those efforts contribute to something larger than ourselves and give us meaning. Find the right purpose as it can be a powerful source of motivation for you to persevere and be patient as it can take time to overcome your negative thoughts and habits.

Try and apply the above steps to persevere in your endeavours.

Know what is it that you want to achieve. Know how you are going to achieve them. Replace negative self-talk with positives.If you aren’t getting enough, try new approaches to persevere.

Manage your anger before it destroys you

Anger needs to be managed and expressed appropriately. Efficient anger management lets us handle situations positively.

Whenever there is injustice around us, we are subjected to anger. The feelings of anger and resentment well up more tension, stress and sadness. We do witness lot of demonstration of anger in the world. But all this anger in the past has enabled people to fight and overcome injustice. Unnecessary hatred and feelings of animosity create hostility. Whereas necessary anger serves a purpose. Sometimes it shows us a new perspective to move on or makes us realise something within us that we still need to work on.

We fail to recognise how accelerated our lives have become. The speed at which we are living results in racing thoughts where the mind goes rushing from one attitude to an other. This overstimulation creates emotional illness. It produces fatigue and frustration and we begin to fret about everything from our personal troubles to the state of the nation and the world.

At individual level, these chronic patterns of anger, hate, resentment and criticism raise the body’s stress levels and weaken our immune system. Anger clouds our thinking and concentration and leads to delusion and loss of memory. Anger is a natural energy and must be used constructively. If it overpowers, it can ruin us, but if we are in control, it can add to our welfare and strength.

“ Anyone can become angry- that’s easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time for the right purpose and in the right way – that is not easy.”- Aristotle

It is important to express your anger

Many of us experience bouts of anger from time to time. “When this anger is not expressed outwardly, it will be manifesting inwardly in the body and develops into a dis-ease or dysfunction.” The denial of anger and its suppression are unhealthy emotionally and physically. So it is good to release or express it in positive ways when it comes up.

Here are some ways, how anger manifests into various side effects based on its expression.

Repressed anger

Some people are afraid to show their anger. They hate making a scene and don’t like to offend others because they are scared of rejection. Many women are taught that anger is a bad emotion and for those who are parents, that losing your temper makes you a bad parent. So, many try to swallow their anger and suppress it. Despite being angry, they feel they don’t have a right to express it. This built up anger which is not expressed over a long time turns into bitterness and resentment. This might result in to depression and sadness.

Passive aggression

Some build anger against others or situations over time. They express it by sulking or criticising and tend to hold a grudge. They may not be screaming and shouting, but there is a good chance they’ll finally snap. This is aggression veiled in passive terms. Sometimes they end up venting their frustration on wrong people. Holding on to grudges will continue to keep them in a state of constant anger which effects their psychological well-being.

Habitual anger

Some are angry for major part of their lives. This is habitual anger and becomes their second nature. They always want to get their own way and are impatient. They are verbally expressive and frequently get into arguments. They have short fuse and slightest thing can set them off. Habitual anger is not good for the body as it gets lodged in there and might manifest into major health issues.

Learn to Manage your anger

Anger is a useful emotion and needs to be controlled and managed. With all the stress and pressure in our lives, it is easy to lose our cool at the slightest irritation. Like any other emotion, being aware of your agitated feelings lets you you recognise, accept and deal with them in a positive way.

Efficient anger management also lies in learning how to express your anger appropriately. We all know the damaging effects of anger and how it ends up creating negative thought patterns. So it is healthy to release anger to create new space inside for loving, optimistic and cheerful thought patterns.

Here are some techniques to help you manage your anger.

Control your emotions

We all become defensive and tend to over react during unfavourable situations. You don’t have to give everything a reaction. The best thing to do sometimes is to stay silent and walk away. It is better to realise that what matters so much in that moment may become insignificant later. Realise that being angry is to give away power to others. Instead control your own emotions.

Change the way you think

When you are angry, your thought process gets dramatised and exaggerated. Swearing and cursing leads to erratic behaviour. Recognise the situation and rationally replace them with calming thoughts. Make a conscious effort to rationalise your thoughts so that you can figure it out eventually. Restructure your thoughts for a favourable outcome.

Learn to communicate

Repressing anger is not healthy. Go beyond your emotional hurts and get out of ‘done me wrong’ syndrome. Learn to communicate your issues openly to the person with whom you are angry. It is always better to ‘Say’ rather that to ‘Show’ your anger.

It is ‘okay’ to be angry with your children or parent or spouse or employee or friend. Perhaps the anger is because you are not communicating with others. Clear up your mind by having healthy conversations and expressing it constructively. You will be able to see your situation in new light and find solutions.

Be aware of anger triggers

We cannot fight anger, but can be aware of what causes and when it arises. Rejecting and fighting the feelings of anger will only make you more agitated. Recognising and accepting with total awareness protects you from its damaging effects. Identify what is that you are really angry about and what are the situations that make you angry and resentful. Knowing what triggers lets you handle your feelings and gives you better control over those things and situations.

Practice forgiveness

Forgiveness is an act of freedom unto yourself. Holding on to the feelings of bitterness and anger will only make the issues bigger than they originally were. When you hold onto something from the past, it will continue to make your present moment disharmonious. Forgiving the person with whom you are angry and letting go of the anger will dissolve the disharmony and removes hostile thoughts and feelings. This gives you freedom to move on with present.

Think before you speak

Take a second to think about what you say in the heat of the moment. Saying something hurtful will have its dire consequences. If you are in a bad mood, it is ‘okay’ to avoid the confrontational situations until you are ready. Give yourself time to process it. Making others wait for your response is better than reacting immediately by saying something that you will only regret later.

Practice relaxation

When you feel fully relaxed and at ease, it would be difficult to feel angry or frustrated. When you relax, you can do much to release the tension associated with anger. Practice taking a handful of deep breaths before responding when you are angry. There are several breathing exercises that can help you deal with anger issues.

Mindful breathing has calming effect and makes you better equipped to manage your frustrations and impatience.

And finally, make a conscious effort to slow your pace or your tempo to quieten your thoughts. Repeat a series of words which express quietness and peace and perform your daily activities mindfully.