“What we perceive as needs and what we perceive as wants, influence the choices we make.”
NEEDS motivate human behaviour and they correspond to certain beliefs we have. For every habit we have, for every experience we go through over and over, for every pattern we repeat, there is NEED within us for it. Primary influences on our decisions and choices we make in our lives are often the perceptions we have of our needs and wants.
If there were not a need, we wouldn’t have it, do it, or be it. In other words we are always motivated by our needs. Both needs and wants represent the desired results we strive to achieve. They are important influences. Many times we might end up choosing a want over a need. We are often pushed and pulled in many directions with a need elevating the choice of one want over that of another want. Differentiating NEEDS from WANTS helps us to weigh our options more carefully by knowing what is influencing our decision.
NEEDS are different from WANTS
You may WANT your NEEDS, but more frequently, you end up wanting things that are not really associated with your needs. Needs are gaps in results and there is a satisfier to close those gaps. Needs have purpose and there are always multiple alternative satisfiers to any need.
WANTS are choices we make on the basis of what we believe is important. There is nothing wrong with wanting things. What is important is that we should be able to differentiate between our needs and our wants with their satisfiers in order to take better decisions. By focusing on what we want, we may miss the things we need most to meet our goals. The decisions we make are directly proportional to the needs we have to satisfy.
Nature of NEEDS
Some needs are instrumental and their existence depends on there being an end goal or purpose. They are gone once the goal is achieved. Some needs are absolutes. They just exist. For instance, you can never overcome a continual need for food, water and shelter. Understanding the nature of needs as whether they are absolutes or instrumental is important to recognise their implications on how we consider needs within our lives.
The needs at personal level might vary from absolutes to being instrumental. First, you must meet your basic-level needs ( such as food and shelter) then needs of safety (such as personal, financial, health and well-being) before you are motivated to focus on higher-level needs (such as belonging, creativity).
The needs at societal level to achieve our societal ambitions like well-being, survival, and quality of life are absolutes. Needs at organisational level are instrumental. Universal needs for competence, freedom, and psychological relatedness motivate our behaviour and these needs are absolutes. They are essential to our psychological health and well-being.
Know your NEEDS
Our decisions are responsive to our needs. We know our needs by feeling them, as we feel strong desires or emotions. Needs are more like medical conditions, they have signs and symptoms. Through these symptoms you get to know your needs. We always get motivated to take certain actions in order to reduce the internal tension that is caused by unmet needs. Think about the nature of needs in your life. Are they absolute? or do they serve a purpose? Knowing their nature provides you a better perspective.
Struggle between our needs and wants influence our decisions, though most of us pay little attention to them. Identifying and assessing your needs can improve your decisions and help you achieve valuable results.
Here are some changes you can make to improve the quality of results you get from your decisions.
IDENTITY your needs
Here is a simple way to identify your needs. Look back into your past and ask yourself what needs were being met whenever you made right decisions. Make a list of your needs, check them by asking is this true need for me or do I want it because of something. This way you can identify your actual needs and not confuse yourself with wants.
ASSESS your needs
You can make comparisons among your needs and use the information to guide your decisions. Identify your needs and assess them by comparing the results you want to accomplish to the results you are currently achieving.
MEASURE your needs
Needs should be assessed and measured in order to help guide your decisions towards your desired result. Measure gaps in results by subtracting the current result from the desired result.
FOCUS on the results
Focus on the results you want to accomplish first. “ if you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.” If you don’t know what results you want to achieve, then any decision will do. Plan your actions by aligning with your goals and objectives. If you have a purpose, you know how and what you need to do and can assess your needs accordingly.
PRIORITISE your needs
Understanding the purpose and results help you prioritise your needs. Do not just limit your needs to just being those things which you can’t live without.
Write down the results you would like to accomplish in a year and compare this to your current result, assess your gap and prioritise and take your actions to close the gap.
THINK of wants as Underlying needs
We often fail when we try and cut back completely on our wants because of their happiness inducing nature. Wants are just an expression of underlying needs. Totally cutting out our wants will never last because we are actually cutting that need. Think of a want in your life and what underlying need(s) you are fulfilling with that want. Decide on ways to fulfil those underlying needs.
Know your OPTIONS
You will improve your decision-making by considering options. All needs have multiple satisfiers. Look for different options even though you think one satisfier is going to be the best choice. There are always multiple ways to achieve any result. Thus, there are other alternatives to consider.
RECONSIDER your needs
When the need pops as “I need to….” ask yourself what results you really want to achieve. Do you really need it? Or is it want? or can you change things so you don’t need it? Do not elevate any want to the level of need as yet. Always think of what purpose it is going to serve if you fulfil it. This way you will be able to take right decisions and be at your personal best rather than being part of the rat race.
Finally, push yourself to think bigger than your personal needs or organisational needs. Work with others and align for higher purpose. Doing so will give you a broader perspective and help you define your needs more concretely.
“ego is the single biggest obstruction to the achievement of anything.” – Richard Rose.
Most of the times your “Egoic self” becomes a greatest hindrance in advancing towards your goal or purpose in life. It is human nature to feel happy when praised and many of us feel offended when criticised or corrected. That is the egoic self which is in play.
Egoic mind gets conditioned by our environment and upbringing and your identification gets compulsive through association with objects and people. This kind of conditioning of past lets ego to identify with things and people. The impulsive and involuntary thinking that you are more important than those around you or being superior takes you over and separates you from your authentic self.“ The ego tends to equate having with being: I have therefore I am and the more I have therefore the more I am.” – E. Tolle.
This identification with your made up self thereby activates stressful reactions in your body and create resistance to joy, happiness and abundance that you desire to create on your journey towards your goal.
Ego is not our nature and it is a created phenomenon. Here are some ways to transcend ingrained ideas of self-importance to help you identify with your purpose.
Let go of “I Know It All” attitude.
Ego cannot bear to admit that it does not know enough. By revealing “I Know It All” attitude, ego grows bigger, rigid, and self-willed, and opinionated thereby taking control over you. All that the mind knows is the borrowed information. A mind filled with information or full of knowledge makes you believe that you are the doer and takes hold on your authentic self. Let go of this habit and set yourself free.
Let go of “I am right, you are wrong.”
Being right strengthens the ego and pushes you in the direction of making others wrong. You get used to a habit of making others wrong in order to get a greater sense of who you are. Feelings of anger and bitterness replace loving and kindness.
“ Every ego is a master of selective perception and distorted interpretation.”
Be aware of your egoic interpretation of others by differentiating between facts and opinions. Embrace kindness and try to see the totality of a person or situation. Reject the need to be right always.
Let go of “ I am Superior.”
“True nobility isn’t about being superior to others or someone else. It’s about being better than your former self.”
Don’t assess others on the basis of their appearances, achievements, or possessions which are the indices of ego. There is no point in proving yourself superior or criticising or belittling other person’s knowledge or abilities. Instead be aware that we all have same creative force available to fulfil our goals.
Let go of “ I need more.”
“Always it is your true self which is perfect – it wants / needs nothing: It is your ego which is imperfect- it wants/ needs everything – “ M. Jeffrey
Ego strengthens its grip over you by creating a need to have more. This feeling of “not enough yet”makes you always strive thereby eliminating the possibility of ever arriving. The need for power or the need to be in control or for more creates a feeling of insufficiency and lack that needs to be filled. When you drop the habit of needing more, more of what you desire will arrive. You tend to create more by letting go of the desire for more.
Let go of “ I need to win.”
Ego divides us into winners and losers. Winning in all situations might make you competent enough. But egoic mind fears the opposite of winning. You start to feel worthless and insignificant if you lose. Do not identify yourself with your achievements. Lesser the need to take credit for your achievements, the more you stay connected to your abilities to win.
Let go of “what others think of me.”
You have no control over what others think of you. There is a great difference between “what others think of you” and “what you think others think of you.” This over concern of others perception of you lets the ego to have a strong hold and starts guiding you based on others opinions. Disconnect from the opinion of others and connect to your purpose. Let your purpose guide you.
Let go of assigning “negative mental labels.”
Assigning negative mental labels to people or situations will further strengthens ego. Ego loves to complain and feel resentful. This way you tend to feel negative towards the people and the situation you are in and tends to treat the moment as an end or an enemy. These grievances further turn into stronger negative emotions and hinder your personal growth. Drop the habit of complaining and being resentful .
Don’t let your ego convince you that the world shouldn’t be the way it is.
Ego is our hell and we are the creators of it. We create and suffer from stressful thoughts there after. But it is within our capacity not to create and move away from such created self. Become free of ego by being aware of it and by not getting identified with it. Be focused on your purpose.