Conscious parenting

As parents we all want to raise our children as happy and successful individuals. We try to fulfill our function as parents by doing all the right things and the best we can for our children. The role playing of parent makes you believe that by doing more and more you make yourself complete. But even doing the best we can is not enough if we neglect Being. If parents honor only the role they are playing but neglect being, they fail at making an authentic relationship with children.

You become successful at parenting when you genuinely recognise your child from the realms of Being and not by merely role playing.

The five things you need to stop doing in order to practice conscious parenting.

stop conversing only in the form of doing or evaluating.

Most of our coneversations with our children on a daily basis are mostly to do with doing or evaluating. These are necessary in day to day activities, but that’s all there in your communication with your child, then you may be missing a vital point in your relationship as parent with your child. When you have conversations, try to be completely present in the moment. looking, touching, listening and helping them with their work will create a healthy environment where they can also share their experiences and opinions. Cultivate connection such as being loved, understood, and wanted.

Stop fault finding.

Constant cmplaining and fault finding only creates negativity and a sense of separation between parents and children. This in a way affects the confidence of the child. Finding faults with them will only makes them feel wrong and you to be right. We cannot expect them to learn everything overnight. Children always long for recognition, not on the level of performance but on the level of being. So it is important to leave your habit if complaining and bragging.

Stop being supeṛior.

Many adults play roles as parents instead of being. Many times they talk down to the child and don’t treat them as equals. Because of this role playing, parents come in the grip of ego, which makes them believe that they know more. The fact that parents know more or that they are bigger makes the children feel that they are not equal. In a way parents try to establish a fact that I know what is best for you or what I know is right for you. This will only make them feel inferior. Stop being superior and give them freedom to make their own choices and decisions.

Stop Controlling.

Parents define their role as parents by constantly controlling and telling them what to do. They cannot let go of this habit even when the child grows into an adult. They are afraid of losing their identity and in their desire to control or influence the actions of their child, they will start to criticise or show their disapproval. In an attempt to preserve their role they make the children feel guilty and not worthy of. Train yourself to reduce your expectations on how their life should be. For your child to be successful, they must feel valued. Value their choices and help them in taking their decisions.

Stop overprotecting.

Over a period of time, looking after their needs and preventing them to getting in danger becomes overemphasized and takes you over. Excessive need to provide what they want turns into spoiling. It may be tempting to grant their every wish, but this will drive them to have unrealistic expectations. They need to explore things on their own in order to develop resilience. They will make mistakes, but they will turn into their experiences. Give them space to be.

Aim for healthy all- round development of children

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The adequacy of the child’s general adjustments or his behavioural aspects cannot ascribe solely to the conditions found in the school itself. Even during his/ her school years child is a subject to the influences of home and community. When the children are in school both the family and the community continue to influence the personality development for weal or woe.

In the home, the school and the community may be found the main influences which either reduce or intensify the effect of weakness already present.

Children from young age silently imbibe all the bad things and unruly behaviour of others around them, and the most solid influence and source of such behaviour comes from parents and the environment they live in. Seeing their parents or others in the community they live in getting their way by displaying aggression over other people. They tend to repeat the same behaviour in their life and gets imbibed into his character. This behaviour if not checked will certainly result into them grow up to become aggressive adults. When faced with tough situations in life, such children don’t hesitate to indulge themselves in criminal or anti-social activities.

parents should be impartial and their relationship with each other should be harmonious. They should check their child’s behaviour at home and outside in public places whenever it gets aggressive. Suitable training should be provided to correct their behaviour. At the same time give them love and affection. Encourage them to be responsible for their behaviour. If we can provide all of this and a community which has a tolerant attitude, then the child attends the school with an integrated personality.
If on the other hand, he comes from an imbalanced or over-protecting or a community where he is rejected, or discriminated against, he will often bring to school a deficient personality.

The school has the responsibility of providing a friendly environment with teachers understanding the child’s needs and aiding the continuation of his sound personality-growth. Assist the children in correcting their behaviour arriving at methods to handle them.
Children’s behaviour is the result of combination of all these factors in which the schools, community, and parents play vital role in the personality development of the child at an young and continue to play an import role in later stages of their lives.

Child’s character is determined by the sum total of these impressions we leave in them. If good impressions prevail, the character becomes good, if child is subjected to bad words and bad actions, his mind will be full of bad impressions; and the sum total of these impressions in them will create the strong motive power for doing bad actions and they coalesce to become a habit.
Therefore, for the healthy all- round development of children all the factors that influence them need to be set right.

 

Tips for better parenting

Parenthood is very demanding task  and plays an important role in developing a child’s overall personality. Parenting has a far reaching effect on children’s character, behaviour and their achievements as they are a reflection of the experiences they have at home with their parents. Although all parents wish their children to have courage, compassion and high morality, yet very few put in conscious effort to achieve this goal.

Parents often complain about their children’s disobedience, lack of discipline and disregard for the rules set by them. The reasons for these problems though varying, are not difficult to seek. More often than not they lie in faulty practices.
Parenting is not a skill that everyone is born into. It is a learning process. Parenting if practiced sincerely, can definitely help resolve certain of these problems and even where there are none, will enhance their bonding

What is required is unconditional love, treating them with respect,encouraging them for independent thought and appreciation for their efforts however trivial they may seem. Parental criticism, over demanding nature and lack of sensitivity to their problems widens the communication gap between them and the child. children slowly drift away from parents and stop taking them into confidence. Parents have to make a genuine effort to bond well with their kids.

Some Do’s and Dont’s 

                         Bonding, Happiness, and happy parenting

1. Discover the reasons.

It is so important not to damage children’s confidence. When they do something wrong, find the reasons for the inappropriate behaviour and habits. Make them realise that it was their behaviour that was bad and not them. Love them unconditionally yet set certain rules that are workable and enforce them.

2. Choose the right time

Never discipline them when you are angry. Parents should never openly contradict each other in front of their children. Do not try to release your stress on them and use them as an outlet for your frustrations. Spend quality time with friendly interactions with your children and healthy discussions. Be available to them at all times for their physical and emotional needs.

3. Create confidence

Listen to them with undivided attention. Encourage a dialogue instead of lecturing. If there is something to debate, ask what they know and think of that particular topic and learn to respect their opinion and their knowledge.
Value their opinion and give them freedom to express themselves freely quite often. This creates a healthy self-respect and makes them feel accepted and appreciated.

4. Avoid nagging

Do not be over demanding with the children in order to make them into whom you want them to be. Imposing your wishes on them and making strict rules will only result in making them rebel against later. Learn that your children need not follow your foot steps. Encourage them to take right path to achieve what they believe in and help them to go further than you are.

5. Accept them with good & bad

Give them freedom to disclose those things that make them unhappy and to share what they truly feel. Accept them with their strengths and weaknesses, so that they are capable of seeing themselves honestly. This will make them understand that there is no need to hide something from parents

6. Never compare

Instead of comparing your child with other children, compare with your own child’s previous performance and efforts put in towards it. This would motivate him towards better performance. Always appreciate the efforts put in and encourage them to dwell more on hard work and not just on success and failure

7. Express appreciation 

Be consistent in expressing your appreciation. Express your love and affection to your children quite often. Do not assume that they understand an occasional pat. Focus on their strengths and not on them. Ignore minor inappropriate behaviour and encourage rewarding their good behaviour.